Tuesday, December 05, 2006
It doesn't take much to strike me to do some soul searching lately only to realise what a lousy person I've been in my whole life actually.

Self empathy aside, knowing though I did not commit any major evil or sin of yet but still, I couldn't help to feel lousy.

My dear has been truly wonderful to me for the past 16 months but yet, I've let her down umpteen times and again. She said something which struck me very hard last night. Everytime some shit or ruckus created by me happens, I will always just apologised and hoping things will get automatically patched up. Seems like I'm taking things for granted even without knowing it? The more I brood over it, it's really so unfair towards her to be the receiving end whenever I've a bad day, or vexed over things... Gosh. Whatever have I become? I don't even want to know myself anymore.

The drama and ordeal I've been through this year have no doubt shaped me into a more temperamental and impatient person. I could no longer contain my temper like I'm used to... I'll tend to get disappointed and depressed easily... Impatience seems to get the better half of me most of the time too. I've been fighting a battle against them... one of which is a losing one too...

I really feel so awful. So freaking god damned awful. I just feel like walking out of the office right now and go off home and tuck in to my slumberland. I could not accomplish anything anyway. I lack concentration, I'm full of frustrations. I'm going crazy soon.

My eyes is full of remorseful tears as I'm typing this. I hate myself so much.

And God,

I hate you too.